Somewhere in the course of my education, I lost my way and
considered – only briefly, I promise you – becoming an economist.
Ok, ok, I know what you are thinking with an involuntary
shudder and your eyes rolling upwards.
How could this guy, a normal (well, relatively, shall we say?)
self-respecting, law-abiding, well-nourished chap, who loves walnuts dipped in
chocolate and never grew a beard and has an IQ – when reports last came in -
above 22, from a decent middle-class background with family values that
included watching Hum Log and bargaining with auto drivers and rinsing empty
milk sachets to extract eleven additional molecules to that half-litre…. how
could this guy even think that he should study Economics? Yes, I know, I know, it can happen to anyone
and Society should be forgiving.
Now for the good news: I redeemed myself by flipping through
an Econ textbook. What I saw there was
that one bane of human civilization which everyone agrees is an unnecessary
evil but nobody does anything about: it’s called Math, and economics is full of
it, all of it designed by sadists who have had their eyebrows pierced against
their will. I would rather swim with a
starving Great White Shark in a baby pool.
So, economics took a back seat (in another car).
Later on, in Misguided Life (don’t shudder, this para ends
quickly), I even started teaching economics to a bunch of homicidal,
ideologically-vacuumed, disengaged, moribund misanthropes – we called them
college students to provide a veneer of respectability. We had classes on aggregate demand, full
employment and marginal revenue and pretended that none of this was fiction
(mind you, this was before demonetization as well). I even once managed a class on GDP without
anyone needing first aid or asking me if there was a book by Jeffrey Archer on
it.
Some of the misanthropes who had an axe to grind with
teachers as a retardant sub-species asked questions – when they were awake –
like “Sir, what happens to the GDP multiplier if a helicopter drops five
thousand rupees from above into each poor household in India”. Now, you see how dangerous these misanthropes
are – since I had no fricking smart-aleck idea, I would say, “It will cause
inflation.” and then suggest reading material that only Robinson Crusoe would attempt
to read.
p.s.: generally, everything causes inflation. That’s why Economics is hot air. 
Some of the other misanthropes were delightfully funny with quotes
from the textbook which began with “Since human beings are rational decision
makers….”, after which we would all laugh so much that we needed a break. Then, we’d have tests where I would ask
questions from the Real World (i.e., newspaper), questions like, if National Income
increases by 8 percent a year, how much water hyacinth will the Godavari carry
in five years?
No, I made that up. But you get the picture.
I did all this Economics instruction for no income, just
fun, mind you. Let me repeat that in
case you have missed it: I did all this teaching just for Fun, which is
incontrovertible evidence that the apparently mildest person – one, for example,
who loves walnuts dipped in chocolate - has a streak of barbarism hidden somewhere
along with two fangs.
