Tuesday, June 25, 2024

Bijuii

 June 17th 2024

I am in the district of Kannur, in one of those unending villages-cum-towns that run right through Kerala, surrounded by plantations of rubber, that are dense and pleasing to see if you have an aerial view, but are immensely harmful to ecology.  If that isn’t enough, rubber is a voracious consumer of water (have that conversation with your car tyre sometime). 


In the middle of this mirage is a few acres of land being restored - some intrepid folks have uprooted the rubber and are growing a food forest following principles that are rooted in the science of agri-ecology.  

And that is where I meet Biju, an unlikely and refreshingly humble hero.


A few minutes of conversation and I can see at once that he is an encyclopaedia on plants, butterflies and mammals.  He spent seventeen years as a watcher with the Kerala Forest Dept, all of it as a temporary staffer.  This fact is, of course, an awful commentary on pretty much every Forest Department I know but should be interestingly news for those software kids who would like to become Chief Software Architect-cum-AI Evangelist the day after tomorrow and think that python was first a programming language before it became a snake. 


His friend tells me, ‘Biju ettan is a hero.’  

‘Why?’

‘Tell him etta.’

Biju is reluctant so I let it go.  But just for now.  


We walk around the land and he explains the principles behind the food forest.  ‘Would you like to taste some mint-tulsi?  Here’s mangosteen.  See the butterflies on the Jamaican Spike - we have recorded 127 species of butterflies in our farm.  There are otters in the rivulet below’......there is a childlike excitement, an energy that is infectious and, despite the heat and the humidity, I spend a good hour as a diligent student (who did not take his notebook, of course, so how much is retained is a question you shall promise to not ask).


He insists that we drive up a nearby hill - about midway up we stop to visit a home where the borewell has had water gushing (and I mean GushinG with a capital G at both ends)  out of it ever since it was drilled a decade ago, which is stored and piped to the village below in a classic example of enlightened collaboration - to see the view and on the way down he tells me the story of his heroism.


Some years ago, as a watcher, he was guiding a team of three young students studying slender lorises in the dead of night in the Aralam Wildlife Sanctuary.  They had puny headlamps with narrow red beams to avoid upsetting the elephants.

And then they stumbled on them.  Well, almost.

(stories like this get my pulse racing).  

Three elephants stood looming over them just five feet ahead - you read that right - flapping their ears and watching them impassively .  Biju stopped, signalled to the students behind him to retreat slowly and waited for them to move away some distance before he retreated one step at a time, observing the pachyderms without turning his head.

The elephants did not move.

‘I was sweating,’ he says.


As he speaks, I am sweating too and it isn’t the heat…..


Three students owe their lives to one person’s experience, composure and sheer bravery, for he put their lives above his.  

Biju has a footnote in science as well - he has a local wasp named after him by a grateful entomologist.  So the next time someone comes up to you yelping in pain and complaining that a bloody wasp of the genus Tiphia - Tiphia bijuii - has nipped him in the ear, remember to rub some salt into the wound……..





Wednesday, June 19, 2024

Hand-in-glove

The last time I bought a pair of gloves, some years ago, I went into a shop and asked for, well, gloves.  The shopkeeper took out a pair that smelt strongly of a rubber factory in which all extra space had been reserved for rotten eggs and molasses.  I bought it (the gloves, not the factory) and it’s still in great shape, but no longer smells of rubber+rotten eggs+molasses.  Instead it smells of something that makes the earlier smell feel like a Pierre Cardin perfume on steroids.

So, I checked out Amazon.  Keyed in ‘gloves’. 

There were over twenty thousand instant results.  

Are you a giant idiot? the chatbot said (Actually, it did not, but I could see the bloody emoji and that said it).  Did I want Organik Premium Quality Washable Reusable Cotton Hand Gloves? This was on sale for Rs. 166 for ten pieces in a limited time deal (highlighted in red, so this got me all excited). Or was it my hidden, long-suppressed, deeply emotional desire to own The Coolio Midas Safety Brown Shell with Crinkle Finish?  

Another option was powder-free gloves, in which there were about two hundred and seventy sub-options, divided into further categories (I remain unsure if powder-free means that there will be no powder in the gloves, which I never knew there was in the first place, or that I will get some powder free with the gloves.  In which case, do note that my preference is for Ponds Sandal talc).  

Riderscart, whoever he is, has the option of non-sterile latex medical examination disposable hand gloves which, since it is non-sterile, can only be used to clip your finger nails in a hospital or for a doc to dig his nose in-between patients (no, the nose is not in between patients, how can I make this any clearer?).  

There were latex gloves and silicon gloves and plastic gloves and nylon gloves, and it was about an hour later that I realised that buying gloves was becoming a serious, committed, you-only-live-once task.

I keyed ‘Scotch Brite gloves’ in, which, you will agree, was a stroke of masterful genius.  

The Bot was incredulous: was this customer’s idiocy genetic, generational and needing immediate medical attention?  Did I want kitchen gloves (ultra soft cotton lining with extra sensitive grip and fresh lemon scent) or heavy duty (extra strength with secure grip and adjustable strap) or multi-purpose with reinforced fingertips (not to be used to dig nose in-between patients, without risk of injury to what is now a bigger nose).  In each, there were four sizes (of gloves, not noses) and instructions on how to measure your hand and select the right size.  There were colours as well, so I chose a delicate-skylight-grey, heavy duty, extra strength with secure grip and adjustable strap in medium size, that was a Amazon’s Choice Limited Time Deal (the Bot relaxed now and gave me a fetching attractive smile. Not a laugh.  Even I know the difference in these two emojis).    

Yesterday, I received a package that was so big that it had been check-in baggage on a Russian Antonov An-225 aircraft.  There were about seven layers of plastic, which was deeply touching because it demonstrated how much Amazon cared for me.  I peeled it all off carefully with my Swiss-knife-For-Amazon-Packaging (Exclusive Limited Time Deal, Amazon’s Choice), with feverish anticipation.  I am now the proud owner of a pair of pink Kitchen Gloves Ultra Soft Cotton Lining Extra Sensitive Grip With Lemon Scent, sized Extra Large, that will neatly fit a Yeti's hand, as and when he shops on Amazon.

If I ever see that Bot, there will be a murder reported.