A Confession From Volkswagon

...and VW's statement in the confession box said just this:

The Press have always loved to call my brand ‘iconic’
And every car I have thrown up has been positively chic
I am known for my Beetle, my younger boy’s a Jetta
But what I have been up to, you’d never ever betta

Those misanthropes from EPA, their rules are Yankee dum
And to measure my emissions, they stuck a pipe up my ….
My software held the breath in, bloated the intestine
And, instead of the explosion, they recorded a whine.

As the market share graph was on a firm upward loop
The Japs were shouting ‘Tasukete’, Ford was in a soup,
Some goddam smart alec (a Jap for sure) with a fish bone to pick
Did some data crunching (Achtung!) and figured out my trick.

I have chopped a few heads off, led by Winterkorn
Whose “I didn’t know” was as fake as a Nano’s tooting horn
I will make amends, I promised, to indomitable Herr Merkel
No vehicle emissions in future, we will stick to the cycle.