Yada, Yada

 The only reason I read the business paper each morning is because I am a deep follower of pulp fiction.  Since you have clearly not been reading the most interesting business news this week, here is a statement from the CEO of a biggish company after it published its financial performance for the first quarter of this year.

“The operating environment continues to be marked by unprecedented headwinds and commodity fluctuations. Despite these challenges, we remain resilient, agile, and committed to serve Indian consumers, delivering sequential sales growth this year. The execution of our integrated strategies of a strong portfolio, superiority, productivity, constructive disruption, and an agile and accountable organization structure, has empowered us to deliver these consistent results. Our strategy is fueled by balancing innovation and industry-leading practices, while driving productivity in everything we do."

He further added, “While the unprecedented market challenges and uncertainties remain in the near-term, we will continue to stay focused on our strategy of driving superiority and productivity and enabled by the strength of our organization and culture, to deliver balanced growth and value creation."
Unquote. 

I hope you are still awake. 

If you are, let me please translate this gibberish for you.  Here’s what he actually said:

“We are in trouble.  Sorry, big trouble.  I have no fricking clue on
What hit me
What will hit me
What to do

The only thing I can think of is to reduce the packet size from 100 ml to 3 ml (value creation /innovation /industry-leading practices /culture /constructive disruption /agile /balanced growth /yada yada /whatever /pink elephants).  We are reducing workload to 1 shift a day because the afternoon shift guys sleep after lunch (like someone I know).  I am working hard to ensure that there will be enough excuses the next time I have to write this gobbledygook.   

Now for some tennis.”