Crypto, Idiots and Why Some People Need a Haircut

 On Dec 6th last year, I wrote, with a skip and a whoop!, that I had finally found a research methodology to study Idiots:
"I am deeply touched that millions of people are buying cryptocurrency. 
For years, I had been searching for a reliable way to measure the percentage of Idiots in a population.  The current population of gullible, naïve, inept, self-delused, infatuated, dense, obsessed, asinine, gauche, gumption less, bird-witted, desipient, unstable idiots on our planet is officially at about 240 million, which translates to about 72% of the population of the United States (do not read anything more into this). These are people (crypto buyers, not Americans) who wake up all animated in the morning and shout, “Is there a new scheme to defraud me?” and if they hear an echo, they do a funds transfer.”

In the last year since that deeply sentimental story, I had been rubbing my journalistic hands and eagerly waiting to do a follow-up breaking story on this.  And then this Giant Idiot who set up a crypto exchange thing called FTX goes and dirties the carpet now and the Crypto Idiots are exiting in droves, thereby nipping a promising career (mine) in the bud.  
ps: I said bud, not dud.  

Now think about this for a sec: Mr. Giant Idiot’s name is Sam Bankman-Fried and those private equity shipwrecks still gave him money.  I mean, would you – someone with common sense untainted by a finance education – give, like, three hundred million (dollars, not yen) to a guy called Suresh Bheja- Fried?  There’s a museum somewhere - Gallery of Pantheon of Idiots – with exhibits marked ‘DO NOT touch’ and in the room reserved for private equity, it says, ‘Specimens: Private Equity.  DEFINITELY Out of touch.’ because they have cotton wool doused in argemon oil between their ears and spend their days inhaling hydrogen.  

The reason I am so upset, troubled, distressed, is that this Giant Idiot has messed up my aspirations to serious Journalism because I had forecasted that, “The most heartening news is that the population of Idiots is exploding and new precious insights are a daily occurrence”, which forecast is now not even worth its weight in dogecoin or something.  

 
After all this FTX stuff, Bitcoin - which is for Puritanical Idiots only, a sub-species that believes in the Real Thing and which was worth Rs 37 lakhs last year this day - is now worth only 14 lakhs, in fake money.  So, because of this Bheja-Fried guy - who urgently needs a haircut, will someone please oblige? – all those who made heaps of fake money, have now got less fake money.  

So, for the sake of furthering that thing called Deep Research, please consider buying a few bitcoins as they slide down (to raise funds, you can sell your Rolls Royce on Olx. If the buyer has my name, it will be a coincidence, I promise).